Quitter

The author, Erica C. Barnett, is a Seattle journalist (originally from the south). She was a highly functioning alcoholic for over a decade. Her book describes repeated cycles of "rock bottoms" and "moments of clarity" as she struggled, crashed, got detox/rehab, lived sober for a while, relapsed, etc. Throughout it all, she lied to herself and to everyone around her about her drinking and her control over it.

The common narrative (propagated via film and other popular culture) is that you have to hit "rock bottom" and then you get treatment and start putting the pieces back together. Her experience and the statistics she provides demonstrate that is not often the case; relapse cycles are far more common. Particularly grim was the discussion about what factors seem to predict alcoholism, relapse, and staying sober--because it's not at all clear why some people can get clean and others cannot.

There was an awful lot in this book that I recognized. In 2017, I watched my best friend of twenty years finally finish killing himself with alcohol. I had crashed at his house on and off when I was still a college student. He'd offered me the getaway car at my wedding (while advising me not to get in). We stayed at his place a few times, months at a time, when I was between jobs. Matt was the one who talked me into joining the National Guard in 2003 during one of those periods.

We drank sometimes, but I never even knew he had a problem--because he drank a good deal more in secret. He spent the last few weeks of his life in the ICU and then in the waiting-to-die wing of the hospital. He'd spent several months before that locked in a bedroom, drinking Kirkland vodka by the bottle and urinating in the empties. His wife would find over a hundred piss bottles when she cleaned it out.

I visited a few times a week at the end, mostly just watching movies quietly with him or talking comics and video games and politics and whatnot. Once I did ask him what I, as a platoon sergeant responsible for soldiers in my care, should look for if I thought someone might have a problem with alcohol. He did not even pause. "Lies. They'll lie about how much, how often, what, where, when." There were other signs and hints (especially financial troubles), but that was the big one.

Matt turned out to be the most accomplished liar I have ever encountered. For decades, right up until the end, he lied: to his wife, to his friends, to his boss, to his coworkers, to his family. Even on his deathbed, his kids (whom I've known since they were in elementary school) at first thought he had some sort of cancer or something because he was still lying to them. He was still lying about his drinking up until he lost consciousness for the last time. I think he still believed, even if no one else did.

In any case, I strongly recommend this book to military leaders, no matter your position. We have a drinking culture in the military that is not healthy. Whether you choose to partake or not, it would be good to be able to recognize the kinds of deception--especially self-deception--that may indicate people on your team are struggling with addictive behavior. Many people, maybe most, can control their drinking appropriately--but not everyone. Especially because our military culture encourages drinking, we have an obligation to be especially wary on behalf of our teammates, no matter their rank.