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”What’s your name?” Nibbly asked. “In order to pronounce my name you’d have to cleave your tongue in half, tie one half in a knot and choke on the other. I’d be more than happy to provide that service, should you wish. If not, call me whatever you like. Your choice will be utterly irrelevant within a few minutes.”

— The Dungeoneers (The Dungeoneers, #1) by Jeffery Russell (64%)

Chickens are true creatures of zen-they live only and absolutely for the moment. Their actions one particular second will not necessarily have any influence or bearing on their actions in the next second, nor are they necessarily influenced by their actions of the prior second. Chicken thoughts arrive in their tiny mad little minds like flashes of a strobe light, each light being an action, each flashing with the brilliance of a not very brilliant thing. Each action utterly random. The complete randomness of chaos. Chickens are notorious escape artists, not due to their ability to devise cunning plans as they huddle together in their coop beneath a bare light bulb, scratching out complex diagrams in the dirt, but simply out of sheer unpredictability. They are the pachinko balls of the animal kingdom, effecting their escapes through the simple device of, say, turning left for no particular reason.

— The Dungeoneers (The Dungeoneers, #1) by Jeffery Russell (62%)

Durham tuned the discussion out and turned to Ruby. “What exactly is the point of building a dungeon?” Some big underground maze full of traps and monsters. Seems like a lot of unnecessary expense and effort. And why are they called ‘dungeons’? I thought dungeons were places where prisoners were kept.” Ruby looked up with the spark in her eyes that Durham had come to realize appeared whenever a question was asked that fell anywhere near the history category. “Well, once you place prisoners somewhere, you place guards and locks there as well,” she said. “Eventually someone realized that they could save a bit of coin on guards by replacing them here and there with a few deathtraps in choice spots. Now you’ve got an underground place with locks, guards and traps — only natural for it to start looking like an ideal place to keep your valuables as well. Once you start keeping valuables down there, it makes a certain sort of sense to move the criminals elsewhere. Or to maybe just lop their heads off. The idea caught on well in Keine. They think whatever is buried with you goes with you beyond. They fill their tombs with treasure and virgins…” “Virgins?” Durham asked. “People virgins? Alive ones?” “Well, they don’t stay alive for too long once the tomb is sealed, but yes, people virgins. Well, maybe some other varieties of virgins too but that isn’t something they tend to advertise. Afterlives, regardless of their religion, tend to have a common theme in that they last a very long time. One needs to pass the time somehow and un-virgining virgins might seem a more appealing prospect than rereading all of your books again. You give them poison jewelry, light them on fire or wait a few weeks for them to starve to death. The notion is that if someone robs your tomb that you lose your treasure in the afterlife as well. But even if someone takes all of your gold it’s pretty good odds that they’ll leave you your virgins. Far lower resale value.

— The Dungeoneers (The Dungeoneers, #1) by Jeffery Russell (46%)

”He gestured at the oxbears. «These are the ladies that’ll get us where we’re going. That’s Left Butt on the right and Right Butt on the left. I was standing in front of the wagon when I named ‘em so the names made a bit more sense at the time, even though I was looking at their heads.»”

— The Dungeoneers (The Dungeoneers, #1) by Jeffery Russell (7% - 8%)